You might have noticed that things have gotten a little weird over on Instagram recently. If you haven’t, well it is time you be in the known. Someone mentioned to me there were some sort of a celery juice movement happening unbeknownst to most normal people, one of the purported claims being that it could be beneficial to those with chronic urinary tract infections. UTIs are not really something I’ve talked about here, but they are a very annoying real part of my life. In the last few years, I’ve grown to be resistant to several types of antibiotics and spent hundreds of euros on natural remedies and potions of all sorts in the hope of curing this rather annoying condition. And I know A LOT of women relate to this.
So if someone tells me that buying two euros worth of stalky things and drinking a big glass of it might help, whatever the benefits of celery juice may be, Imma juice, yo. Imma juice so bad it hurts. Imma juice like there’s no tomorrow.
And so I have been drinking a large glass of celery juice for almost two months now. What happens next???
Y Celery Juice, tho?
You might think there’s very little in celery apart from a huge amount of stringy fiber that seems to get wound around your teeth when you chew on sticks of it instead of reaching for that bowl of calorie-rich nachos and indulging your inner food baby — but you’d be dead wrong. Sure, celery is almost totally bland and tastes like almost nothing at all, apart from, maybe, wet wallpaper, but it turns out there’s a whole host of health benefits to chugging down great glasses of the stuff, and celebs and the Instagramiverse are signing right up.
Celery, which originates in Mediterranean countries and the Middle East, has long been the go-to food for folk looking to shift the pounds. That’s because there’s very little food in it — with just six measly calories per stalk, it’s practically air. You can also chop it up and chuck into salads, but it’s likely to remain at the bottom of the bowl, ignored, unloved and mostly untouched. And that, people, makes me so so sad.
Elsewhere, this peculiar plant that doesn’t seem to know what it is — or people, rather, are not quite sure what to do with it — crops up alongside hummus and other dips and makes limp appearances in crudité spreads that are supposed to accompany polite-conversation apéritif (pre-dinner drinks to you and me). But now, the oh-so-humble celery stick is being touted as a miracle superfood that can aid with everything from gut health to inflammatory conditions, blood purification and even sports performance — and, of course, it’s “highly detoxifying”. Lawl.
As the celery juice movement gathers steam, this latest wellness trend is exploding all over social media and in news stories everywhere. Its chief cheerleader, “Medical Medium” Anthony Williams, says all you need to do is down a big glass of celery juice first thing in the morning, on an empty stomach, and let it get to work curing you of all your ills. The results are apparently so overwhelming that people are being bowled right over. One American entertainment TV host even declared that celery juice had “truly changed my life”. Who knew what a glass of green goo could do?!
Health Benefits of Celery Juice
So what are the purported health benefits of celery juice, you ask? Depending on who you’re listening to, or reading — and there’s a growing number of people who are recommending you drink celery juice to gain optimal health — you may hear different things. What’s not in dispute is the makeup of the plant, which we know is packed full of vitamin K, aiding heart and bone health, as well as magnesium, potassium and phthalides, a phytochemical that can help to regulate blood pressure and is beneficial to those with high levels. All this is good, and as everyone knows, you’re never going to find anything bad in vegetables anyway (toxic mushrooms and other poisonous plants aside).
And doing a celery juice cleanse, for instance, is all the easier given celery’s delicate taste — so it’s not likely to make you retch when you reach for it first thing and down it on an empty stomach. Plus, if you’re not particularly fond of having celery solely in a juice, there’s nothing stopping you from adding what you like — blueberries, apple and a touch of cinnamon, say.
You won’t believe what happened next!
Well, nothing. I’m still my hormonally-pimply self and I still have the occasional UTIs. I’ve had a few less since starting drinking celery juice, but whether that’s anecdotal or placebo effect, I do not know. But I come from being a very healthy person, so perhaps you’ll see greater changes than I did starting your day with celery juice. What I will say however, is that drinking it first thing in the morning (I started adding half a lemon to the mix recently) is refreshing and somewhat addictive. It’s a bit salty and feels like a big dose of vitamins and minerals when I get up. And celery is super cheap!
So there. Drinking celery juice may or may not be the magical elixir you were after, but it’s certain to do you a lot of good and no harm at all, so get on juicing, and what the hell, celery for president!